Ok, so I realized I might have lost it a little when in the process of recovering from major abdominal surgery, cancer, and chemo-induced menopause at 45, I recently got a body rash from using a different laundry detergent and screamed at the plastic container, "Is that all you've got!"
Let's cut to the chase. We all hate being sick, ill, out of sorts. There are endless commercials that promise to ease our ills with medications that have side-effects that are worse the what they claim to cure. My husband and I laughed at one the other night that proclaimed, "if you have experienced death from using an acne treatment you could call the 800 number on the screen", WHAT!
I must admit I figured that when the doc mentioned the golden ticket called remission that everything that I had experienced would magically disappear, not so! My GP explained it like this, "Listen Shurie, let's pretend you are a marathon runner. What do marathon runners do at the end of the race while everyone is jumping up and down and cheering for them? THEY COLLAPSE. That is what your body is doing. Give it time to rest and recover. You have just run the race of your life."
So I ask you, what is your race? I have been extremely sick for about 7 months. For some it's more, some less. I just heard about one women who is still staying in the hospital for a rare blood condition and visiting her family when she can after 6 years! I don't know about you but I don't think I could pull that off. I'm no hero. I didn't like even having a little cold before this. I have had a lot of people tell me that they think I am brave but I don't feel brave. I feel tired and sometimes discouraged at my lack of progress. Sure, I'm glad to be alive. Sure, I've come a long way. I still have a long way to go. I am now just able to walk my little dogs around the school by my house. I used to run around it two to three times. Man, my legs and backside sure hurt. I look at my awesome vintage beach cruiser with longing. I have dreams of running with the wind whipping through the hair I don't have. I get grumpy at commercials (I watch a lot of t.v. lately) of people romping around and having what seems like the time of their lives while I'm sitting at home working a cross stitch in my slippers. I am tired of bland food. I went crazy and visited the new local cup cake store which I'm sure by the way they have on every corner in Heaven. Did I sample? You bet I did brother! Did I pay for it? You bet I did, in many ways but well worth it!
Thank you for letting me vent. So what do we do with all this. We sure don't listen to bad advice. Here's an example, "Look on the bright side, you could have (insert ridiculous remark here)." Here is another gem, "At least you have (insert unhelpful adage here)." We sure don't surf the web for our condition and hang on to the worse story available, positive that that we be our demise. Don't believe statistics or medical reports that promise doom. Believe me, we all get hit with this stuff. Resist the temptation and throw out the junk. Keep the good. No, this is not easy for me to say. I'm right there with ya. Sometimes I get really down. Sometimes I just cry. Sometimes I get angry and yell at God. Go ahead, he can take it. You know what though, when I am proactive I feel better. I search for "constructive" info or advice on the web or in books. I listen to encouraging advice and stories from people who have been there and are doing better now. I listen to inspirational music. I journal and write down my experiences. I pray and still hold out hope that every day I get a little closer to being completely well again. I set little goals for myself every day that keep me going and give me a reason to get up.
So hang in there, keep fighting by putting one foot in front of the other. You will have your good days and bad ones too. I know I do. Most of all remember you are not alone even though you may feel like it at times.
Stay tuned for the next post, "A Word On Faith"
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